Dear A$$hat: My Water Gets More Action Than You

Dear Asshat,

There are debatably few scenarios in which, “Suck my dick,” is an acceptable thing to say. None of those involve shouting out the window of a moving truck at a woman you don’t know.

Freedom of speech ensures that you can share your frustrations to the world, but I might recommend against broadcasting the fact that my water bottle gets more action than you. I have happily lived my life without knowing that. In such cases, ignorance is bliss.

But I couldn’t care less about your water bottle fetish jealousy.

You, sir, have pissed me off. I was really happy to have found a decent water bottle to replace the one broken one. Yet now I am self-conscious about DRINKING WATER. How ridiculous is that?

It pisses me off that I’m constantly wondering if I will have to deal with another immature asshat choosing to foist his insecurities off on me. It pisses me off that I have wasted this much time and thought on your harassment.

And it’s not smart to piss off a writer.

The Devil’s Puppet Show

Oh, Internet. I have so much to tell you! Potential theatre-related opportunities are cropping up in the strangest (and best) of places. They may amount to nothing, but just the experience of trying will be priceless.

Dracula has been insanely popular. Even our “slow” nights draw decently sized audiences. An iconic story like Dracula performed in a haunted mid-nineteenth century stone fort? Yes. Just, yes.

(It also helps that we’ve had some rather fantastic reviews.)

I can’t quite believe we only have two more performances.

Something I find hilarious: we’ve been nicknamed the Devil’s Puppet Show. And that’s meant seriously. Apparently, by folks who don’t know the story. It makes me laugh. A lot.

My Massachusetts-based sister drove up to surprise me at last night’s show. I figured it out ahead of time because neither she nor our grandmother can lie or misdirect to save her life. Not to me, anyway. When Gram wouldn’t say whom she was meeting at the show, I had a suspicion. When I mentioned the mystery to my sister, she did a lovely brick wall impression. As she does when she doesn’t know what to say or do.

There are some drawbacks to reading people well, but that didn’t diminish how awesome it was to see her when we got to the fort.

And after the show, hanging out with some of the cast, I ended up voluntold into a karaoke rendition of Cell Block Tango. Even Dracula sang karaoke. It was amazing.

How have you been?

Why I Haven’t Posted

Confidence. Once upon a time, I had none.

High school theatre helped. It gave me the courage to explore, to try on different personas until I found a combination that fit right. College for me was more about the people and the experience than the academics. Funny, since I went so deeply in debt for it.

But much as I loved theatre in high school, I didn’t pursue it after. I knew the limits of my talent: I was dedicated, but mediocre. I wasn’t confident enough in myself to get out of my own head.

I auditioned for a couple shows in college and was cut each time. I would stare at the theatre class descriptions in the course catalog, but only signed up for one in my senior year.


Only a few years ago did I start auditioning for community theatre productions. And I was cut. A lot.

I managed to get a part as Cecily in a staged reading of the Importance of Being Ernest. Not many auditioned. That was in 2011.

Then last summer, I got an ensemble role in Julius Caesar. A few months later, I ended up in what might be the most challenging role I will ever play as the governess in Turn of the Screw: a two-person show with a scant month to learn all my lines. For 90 minutes, I never left the stage. It was dark, and intense, and wonderful. I still can’t quite believe I did it.

After that? I auditioned for another show. And got cut. (There’s a metaphor for writer rejection somewhere in here.) I was ecstatic to make the ensemble for Dracula.

Then about a month into rehearsals and a month before opening night, I got a call from the director. One of the actresses had to drop out for personal reasons, and would I be willing to play Mina?

I have been buzzing. This cast is amazing and awesomely talented, and I can’t quite believe that I have this opportunity.

Even if opening night is only two and a half weeks away.

And that is why I haven’t posted lately.

Father’s Day

Father’s Day . . . brings a whole mess of feelings. This weekend turns me into a bit of a wreck.

This weekend five years ago, I’d just lost my dad. And maybe I’d have better associations with the day if those two events hadn’t come so close together.

I hate the ads. There should be a way to filter them out. Which probably already exists and I just haven’t discovered it yet. Whenever there are store displays, I hurry by. They’re hard to look at directly – not just because the rampant capitalism and commodification is beyond ludicrous.

But my dislike of the day shouldn’t color anyone else’s experience. I have an amazing father-in-law and a pretty great stepfather. They deserve the special recognition of Father’s Day.

I love them.

But I still hate this day.

Maybe in another five years we’ll be on speaking terms. I can hope.

Writing Again

You know what’s awesome?


Apparently, I write short stories, but I am not a short story writer. My brain does not acknowledge short stories as actual writing. Go figure.

And I have not worked on a novel since the end of October. Plenty of short stories, but no novel.

Earlier this month, I started a new novel project and it feels like I can breathe again. Just in time to start rehearsals for Dracula. Naturally.

Boston Travel Thoughts

So I spent a chunk of my weekend in Boston for a friend’s wedding-type thing. Boston reminded me of all the things I love and miss about living in a city, as well as the reasons I love living where I am.

There’s just no winning with me.

Being in Boston – even as briefly as I was – made me realize that a story in my head has been migrating there from NYC. Partly because Boston is much more practical for me to visit both in proximity and in the number of my friends in the area, and partly because the story doesn’t particularly care which city she’s in

Basically, Boston made me think about stories and story settings, and traveling as a writer.

The place that has provided the most setting-fodder?


More than Seattle, or Japan, or Turkey, or anywhere else I’ve been (not counting Maine, because the place I’ve lived most of my life has an unfair advantage in that department), my experiences in Ecuador have directly shaped the greatest number of stories. Weird.

Maybe it’s because I went with a specific story in mind that I knew would be set there.

Or maybe I just need to approach every place I go with an eye to how it could be used as an arena for a kind of magical Fight Club.

I think I’ll try that . . .


Lady slippers

Sun makes everything better.

Lilacs and apple trees are finally blooming. The lady slippers are beautiful!

do more when the days are longer. Things that have been sitting on the to-do list for months are finally getting crossed off. I’m going more places and hanging out with friends more often. The extrovert hat is out and having a blast.

Best of all, more writing is happening. Productivity is not what I would like it to be. It’s not what it was this time last year, but I’m working towards that – baby steps.

Sun makes me happy.