One of these days, I will learn not to procrastinate. Today is not that day.
I’ve been putting off a lot of things lately in order to get an application in. Except I’ve been doing just about everything to avoid it.
Well, the deadline was midnight. As I said over on Facebook, nothing like leaving things to the eleventh hour. But! It’s finished. At least, as finished as it’s going to be. And submitted with hours to spare.
So hard deadlines are a good thing for me. Because I will meet them, one way or another.
Part of the application (for a writing workshop) is an essay detailing background and reasons for applying. These are not things I’m good at articulating. In fact, any attempt at essays still reeks of academic writing, which I so did not want to be using. It took me at least a dozen attempts before I had anything that did not make me want to gag myself on a spork.
This blog may have helped me more than anything. When I started this, I decided not to apologize for my opinions or observations. That probably been the most difficult aspect of these posts. Any time I make a joke or share my opinion, I start to apologize. I spend a lot of quality time with my “delete” button.
Why can’t I say crazy, outrageous things? Why am I so conditioned to apologize for HAVING AN OPINION?
Writing this essay was worse, because the whole point is to get in. The filters were even hard to turn off. So I left a few of the crazier, more opinionated things stay. It’s better for having them; it’s definitely more interesting. But I don’t think I would have had the guts to leave them in, if not for the practice I’ve had here.