My Silence Comes In Waves

When I fall into radio silence for an extended time, you know something’s going on with me. That something could be good or bad, or just many somethings all at once.

I haven’t posted here since I found out I’m pregnant.

EEEEEE!!!! OMG!!!!!!! (Finally!)

I’ve known a solid three months now. It took me ages to tell the closest friends and family. A week or so ago, I made it Facebook-official.

Speaking about it, getting excited about it, feels like I’m going to jinx everything. Nothing is guaranteed so I don’t dare take this for granted. Our families are ecstatic, but we’re slower to join the party.

Maybe once I actually feel the little one kicking and moving I’ll stop waiting quite so much for the other shoe to drop (though we’ll still have to contend with juggling the as-yet unmet reality of life-with-baby and how that will change absolutely everything).

This whole not-taking-it-for-granted thing seems fairly uncommon, just based on what I see from friends and family. Maybe I have an oddly skewed sample population, or maybe it’s one of those things no one ever talks about.

Because not talking about things makes everything better, right?

Related note: when will we get a sarcasm font?

But if a worst case scenario happens, I don’t want it to catch me completely by surprise. The lack of surprise wouldn’t make it hurt any less, but it would help my ability to cope.

And this post has now taken a turn for the depressing when it was supposed to be happy. I am happy! We are. More than happy. My point is that this latest round of blog-silence came from many places, for many reasons.

Here’s hoping the next wave comes from negotiating life with a screaming newborn!

New Year 2017

Goodbye, 2016. I will not miss you.

Last year (I do not have words to say how thrilled I am that 2016 is officially past) was so bad, it was all I saw, much of the time. The negative things. The death toll. The election. Stress. My own mental shutdown.

But it had its bright moments.

Although I only acted in one show this year and it burned me out badly (despite having just a couple minor roles), it taught me the importance of picking shows I’m passionate about. Shows that click with me in a way I can’t explain, even if I’ve only seen the audition sides.

Tigers be Still, the show I stage managed, was one. What little I knew about the show going into auditions didn’t excite me much, but the pieces we read just clicked. So when I didn’t get cast, I kept my fingers crossed that I could still find a way to be involved in the production. And I did.

Stage managing brought out many of the very best parts of me. I loved it. I kicked ass. I would totally do it again (with a show I’m passionate about).

We visited my grandmother-in-law in Florida. It was an excellent visit. She passed away a few months later, and I’m so thankful we made it down when we did.

Since about September, I’ve been extra (for me) extroverted. I get so much energy from being around people. Though not all people, so maybe I’ve just been better about who I spend time with.

I’ve written. Not as much or as good as I would have like, but I did write. As of last night, I submitted more stories than I did in 2015. (Not difficult, considering I only sent one in 2015, but an important and huge improvement all the same.)

Best of all? 2016 is over. Done. A new year, a new slate.

Dear 2017, you have one goal: be better than last year. The bar is low. Don’t disappoint me.

What Is This Year?

I like to assign themes to things like years. And this year has so far shaped up to be my Year of Being Introverted. With so much going on, I’ve been largely in shut down mode.

But now things seem to be turning around. A writer-friend came up for a long weekend of awesome, which kicked my ass into gear on so many things. I managed a beautiful amount of editing, even with everything we did. This past week, I took vacation time, ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, and went to a gorgeous wedding at Mont-Tremblant, Quebec for two of my husband’s university friends. Another writer-friend and I are finally getting back in the swing of quasi-regular Writing Bitch Sessions. I have three anthologies I want to submit short stories to by the end of this year (and dear lord, it has been a stupidly long time since I submitted anything).

In addition, I’m attempting the tech side of theatre and am stage managing (for the first time) a production of Tigers Be Still. I’ve always been firmly an actor, even in high school when a fair number of my friends were techies. I married a techie, and we adore Q2Q comics. It’s been frustrating/hilarious to see the stereotypes play out and become truth. All before the first production meeting!

And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, please go check out the comic. It’s amazing.

So the rest of this year looks like a crazy wild ride in all the best ways. Wish me luck! (Especially when my husband and I have overlapping production weeks.)

Don’t worry – I’ll be updating again before the end of the year. Promise!

A Reason For Silence

I take a long, long time to work out the things that upset me. And 2016 has been one hell of a year for upsetting things. It’s taken me weeks to figure out this blog-silence.

It wasn’t the traveling – which was great, if exhausting – or the fact I had a couple roles in a show with a murderous commute, or even my dad’s birthday. (One of these years, I’ll actually remember that I tend to shut down in May.)

One of my aunts passed away suddenly a couple months ago. She was one of my favorite aunts. To little-me, she seemed so confident and self-aware. She didn’t let herself get pulled into the mini-dramas and countless squabbles that are part and parcel of siblings. And there were twelve siblings.

We connected on Facebook a few years ago, and she quickly found me here. She liked to leave comments. Often encouraging, cheerleader comments.

We weren’t as close as either of us would have like, but that was a small part of herself that she gave me. And I guess I haven’t wanted to really face the fact that they’ve stopped. That there won’t be any more.

Well…

I did it. Finally. Still not entirely convinced it’s a good thing, but I am now on Twitter. You may have noticed the handy extra widget in the sidebar.

Like my focus needed any more distractions.

And in related news, I have now entered the 21st century. I have a magic phone. (That’s a smartphone, to most of you.) A Nokia Lumia 928, to be exact. It was a birthday present from The Husband.

I’m in love with it and a little scared of it, all at once. It makes me so … so connected.

Here I Go Again

I know, I know. I seem to be making a blog for every new project. (Just be glad every novel and short stories isn’t jumping on the bandwagon!)

After The End (you know — that post-apocalyptic web series/film project I mentioned last time) now has a blog: Follow the link to a special rabbit hole!

This way, you lovely people who follow me here for writerly things (or out of pity, or because I know exactly where to find that awful sixth grade photo of you and if you don’t follow this blog, it will be mysteriously emailed to everyone in your office) won’t be inundated with film-project news. But I hope you’ll click on the link and take a look. This project is a massive undertaking — the blog will follow it from start to finish, and possibly beyond — and I’ll need as much support and enthusiasm as I can get to sustain that energy and motivation.

One thing’s for sure: if I start any more blogs, I won’t have time to work on the stories!

Art Goes Multi-Media

I’ve been informed my last post was…cryptic. Something needed to go up, and the only thing in my head was the new project. And it was so new and big and scary that I couldn’t post about it here. I’ve calmed since then. Just a little.

I’m telling this story in a different medium. That’s what makes it so scary. I have no idea what to expect of the final product. It’s broadly collaborative, so I’m relying on a growing-larger-all-the-time group of people. So there’s a significant element beyond my control. It’s a medium of which I have only the barest surface knowledge.

We are making a series of connected, post-apocalyptic film shorts. They will happen. They will post to Youtube.

It might take months before we have anything ready to see. But it will happen.

I have so many hopes for this project, beyond the end product. Perhaps the biggest is that in creating it, we also create a space to nurture art and creativity. I hope everyone takes chances and risks, pushes boundaries and learns something new. That’s what this project is to me already (I am so out of my depth; it’s beautiful) and I want to allow the same for others. There is an amazing energy in a creative community, and that — more than video — is what we are making.

And we haven’t even had the first production meeting yet!